Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
