i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
tell me about the fingering
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