i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
