Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
