would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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