I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's shark week go big or go home
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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