Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
