She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Come on in and take your pants off
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