well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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