We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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