you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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