I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
