He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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