Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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