went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize