I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
please don't ironically join a cult
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