Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
