He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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