Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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