i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
