I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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