HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
