I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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