someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
