Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
