it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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