I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
