I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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