I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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