The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
