I can text with my tongue
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
