ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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