i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
