biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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