Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
