i think i have herpe
just one?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
