Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
