i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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