You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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