woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
