just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
