So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
