All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
