After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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