everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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