its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
