I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
