Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
