burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize