I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
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