So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
