Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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