i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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