I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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