You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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