: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
