I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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