if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
