did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You made out with two different species that night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
