just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
