dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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