well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
