i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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