we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
