No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
