I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
