I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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