I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
