I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
