Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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