It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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