Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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