just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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