Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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