going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
