it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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