Have you finally orgasmed yet?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
