the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
