Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
