My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
there is glitter all over my balls
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
