so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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