it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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