i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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