Kiss
Puke
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
