i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
