Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
