if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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