I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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