I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize