We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
