Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
