Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
