i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
