it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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