I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
